so that wasnt chicken after all
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize