I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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