She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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