Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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