My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize