It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
