im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
