drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
