he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
