so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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