Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize