nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
