This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
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the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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