NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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