Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
