It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
