My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
