I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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