Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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