When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
