Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
