WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
