Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
