why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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