I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize