I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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