so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
