I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
