Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
