wanna go halves on a baby?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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