i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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