Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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