Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize