I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
