I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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