Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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