The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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