People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
