If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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