we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think a kid would responsible me up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
