I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
