3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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