Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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