My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
