Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
