420 ftw
I just made out with a guy for $7.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
