i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
