absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
