addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
