My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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