ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i came on her dog
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
