So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
