Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
