It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
