I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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