Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dignity is for republicans.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
