Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
