Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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