On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
