i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
