i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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