I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
