Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
