my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
