I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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