I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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