yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
