brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
