I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
