Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize